Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Take me to Mars, Albatross. Hurry!

Except Raka, I hate everyone today maybe tomorrow too, so I made myself a little present by borrowing all Raka's markers.

TADA! Lakban-ed notebook!

Seriously, Albatross, or you, Rudolph, take me to Mars or North Pole.

Rasanya baru kemarin gue nyanyi-nyanyi When Christmas Comes sambil nunggu UAS Paper Presentation selesai.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Review Habibie & Ainun; Dan Curhat Colongan

Berekspektasi terlalu tinggi, gue merasa jatuh saat membaca buku ini. Salut untuk their everlasting love, tapi penyampaian yang dipakai dalam buku ini cenderung kurang; rasanya kayak lo punya bumbu dapur sedemikian banyak tapi yang dipakai cuma bawang putih doang. Justru yang paling menonjol dalam buku ini adalah Habibie's undoubted incredibility, instead of his story with his wife.

What I like the most is the quotes from Ainun's Setengah Abad BJ Habibie, yang kemudian membuat buku ini seolah-olah ditulis bersama dengan Ibu Ainun. Sayangnya, terlalu banyak pengulangan. Bagian yang sudah dikutip seharusnya nggak perlu diceritakan ulang.

The most pathetic part of the book is the punctuation. Pada dasarnya semua orang berhak menulis buku dan mereka nggak selalu harus punya background sebagai orang bahasa, tapi untuk pihak penyunting, menurut gue pribadi, ada keharusan untuk punya latar belakang sebagai orang bahasa; atau paling enggak orang yang mengerti tentang kalimat atau minimal tanda baca.

Overall.. satu tahun terakhir ini gue memang nggak bisa menye-menye sama love story sih, jadi, love story ya, love story. Sebenernya mah ya, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone." If you know what you've got, akan ada banyak orang yang menulis saat istri/suami atau tunangan atau pacarnya masih ada. Atau simply make him realize that it makes you happy just by staring at him, sekalipun dia keringetan kucel becek abis main futsal. Lupakan. Obliviate.

But still, I wish the movie is much better.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

"Don't carry the world upon your shoulders."

McCartney's handwriting of Hey Jude lyric
Source: The Beatles Bible
The Beatles' "Hey Jude" was released in 1968 and credited to Lennon-McCartney.

The song was written by Paul McCartney to comfort the 5-year-old Julian Lennon during his parents' separation due to John Lennon's affair with Yoko Ono.
In 1968, McCartney visited Cynthia Lennon and her son, Julian. He thought about them and started to write the song, which was formerly written as "Hey Jules", along the journey.

Although he knew that the song was written for his son, Lennon said that he always heard the song as if it were about him. (Sheff, 2000) "If you think about it," Lennon said "Yoko's just come into the picture."

McCartney first performed the song to Lennon in July 1968. At that time he was about to remove the line "the movement you need is on your shoulder", but Lennon said, "that's the best line in it (the song)." (Miles, 1997) Thereafter, McCartney decided to leave the line in.

Julian found out that the song was about him around twenty years later, in 1987. He said that he had a good friendship with McCartney and even "there seem to be far more pictures of me and Paul playing together at that age than there are pictures of me and dad." according to the Mojo Magazine, 2002, as been quoted by The Beatles Bible.

McCartney and Julian
Source: Express.co.uk

The Beatles Bible
Sheff, David. 2002. All We Are Saying.
Miles, Barry. 1998. Many Years From Now.

Friday, September 14, 2012

You're the balanced mixture of cobalt blue and viridian on my palette

You may blame them for making me abandon you, Talking Butterfly.

Damn you, Sheva. Damn.

Serta beberapa judul lain yang ada di reading list.

Supernatural! YAY!

Sebenernya sih gambar kedua dan ketiga nggak berpengaruh banyak, karena sejujurnya yang mencuriku darimu adalah Resident Evil dan .

It's 2 am, my coffee mug is almost empty. I frankly have no idea what to write; I just miss you.

Anyway, this is going to be the last post for you to be called as Talking Butterfly, since I'm about to change your name with the new one I found when I took a shower. (Where in the world you can find a better place to make a decision or find an idea besides in your own bathroom?)

"Good people were decidedly rare."
-Trenton Lee Stewart, Mysterious Benedict Society and the Perilous Journey

Dan gue mulai berpikir untuk men-skip kelas Morphology jam 7 nanti.
Cherish what you have, people.


Saturday, August 25, 2012

The only thing he remembers is the big leaves-printed mug with which he always drinks his afternoon tea.

Sunday, July 29, 2012


I made this out of my father's jeans.

Bukan, bukan berarti Aya suka pakai jeans ijo mentereng untuk jalan-jalan, he got these jeans as a compliment years ago and never wore it even once, eh tapi nggak tau juga sih.
Trus kenapa tasnya agak miring? Karena jeans yang sudah gue potong sesuai pola masih dipotong lagi dengan sotoynya oleh si abang permak lepis sebelum akhirnya doi jait. Emang nggak ada wise words yang lebih wise dibanding "Trust no one".

"Never have I seen a greater, or more beautiful, or a calmer or more noble thing than you, brother. Come on and kill me. I do not care who kills who." -Santiago
Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea

Gue baru selesai baca Ksatria, Putri, dan Bintang Jatuh-nya Dee sama The Fault in Our Stars-nya John Green, dua-duanya kece sekali. Supernova jelas mind-blowing, sementara John Green nggak tanggung-tanggung untuk jadi anak perempuan 16 tahun.

"Ternyata pelacuran terjadi di mana-mana. Hampir semua orang melacurkan waktu, jati diri, pikiran, bahkan jiwanya. Dan, bagaimana kalau ternyata itulah pelacuran yang paling hina?" -Dimas
Dee, Ksatria, Putri, dan Bintang Jatuh

And these papertoys were made of canvas-textured paper and watercolour pencils.

For mouths can tell the lies eyes cannot tell, I prefer not to draw them on.

Selamat sahur, selamat puasa dan selamat yang lainnya.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Iya, gue sedemikian penganggurannya.
Oh, selamat puasa!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

It was around 6 pm. The sky was so bright that I got a bit curious then took a look outside. There was a rainbow upon the sky.

Here is the simplest way to know how much you love someone: you'll know you love them that much if you see something that makes you happy and they are the ones you want to share it with. That was what I did. When I saw the rainbow, I took him to the balcony. He had never seen the real rainbow before.

"Itu pelangi, Dek, kayak yang Adek suka liat di buku."
He was impressed. His big eyes grew even bigger. He was standing next to me while I was sitting near, staring at his innocent face on where the sunshine was reflected.
"Mangi," said he, tried to imitate 'pelangi' but failed.
"Iya, bagus nggak pelanginya?"
"Bagu.." still in a big amazement.
While he was mesmerized by the beauty of the nature, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for having him.

"The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky, are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do

They're really saying 'I love you'"

-What a Wonderful World

Jakarta, 31 Maret 2012.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

A: "Aku mau kerja di Pixar. Jadi tukang fotokopi doang gapapa deh."
P: "Aku kalo kerja di Chelsea, jadi tukang semir juga gapapa."

Udah mah kuliah jauh-jauh di Nangor...

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

"Stay hungry!"

I just registered myself into a classical guitar class again. YAY! Luckily, the tutor is still the one who gave me the lesson when I was a 10th grader. Today I met him in his classroom around 4 pm for chatting around. It had been four years since our last meeting. And fortunately, none of his students came today, so the meeting lasted for about two hours. (Sebenernya mah itu udah kayak les geratisan, mengingat tadi gue belajar beberapa lagu baru.)

It's a great pleasure to be back in that building again. It really is. Jangankan untuk belajar lagi, sitting around the receptionist desk and enjoying the sound of some instruments vaguely in the air already turn me on. Eh?

Eniwei, ini sepotek hasil 'reunian' gue dan Kak Banu tadi. Turn down the volume first!

When I See You Smile & I Will Fly
Kalo ada genjrengan & petikan yang salah, nah, itu gue! Masalah fals mah.. ehe ehe ehe :$

And the best part is, I paid the fee with my own saving. Emang berasa langsung super-kere-banget sih, apalagi liburan masih laaama dan paaanjang, but it's totally worth it. Even it motivates me to have a good job so I can pay more and more classes or buy myself some instruments with my own income.
"Stay hungry!"

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

The (S)words

For I'm not afraid of their swords. Not even a little.
You can bring them here; stab me.
Neither will they leave a scar nor make me bleeding.
If you bet they will bring the death of mine, take the words back. It's not even close.
But once she unsheathes her sword, I am into whom she walks nobly.
Don't blame me if you see these feet shaking. Even an ogre can be afraid sometimes.
And when she finally touches my skin gently, note this, gently..
You may see the blood fill the alley of uninhibited pain.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Knock! Knock!

Pada dasarnya, semua orang memang nomaden. Berpindah-pindah. Temporer. Nggak ada yang benar-benar menetap dan tinggal.

Satu datang, yang lain pergi. Kalo kata Paulo Coelho sih,
"When somebody leaves, it's because somebody else is about to come."
Tapi ya pada akhirnya si somebody else itu akan pergi juga, mengikuti teorinya Jeff Buckley,
"No matter how much you love somebody, sometimes there's always something that'll take them away, even if they love you."

Sama seperti Slamet yang nggak lagi kerja di rumah gue. Seperti Westlife yang personelnya merasa sudah tua dan akhirnya membubarkan diri. Kenapa juga dari Slamet langsung loncat ke Westlife?

Terlepas dari contoh gue yang agak irrelevant, memang begitu kenyataannya.
Mereka cuma tamu. Kita cuma tamu.
Ada yang mengetuk pintu terus kabur seperti anak-anak yang suka mainin bel rumah gue.
Ada yang masuk tapi cuma untuk basa-basi dan bikin muak setengah mati.
Ada yang menyelinap untuk merampok dan merusak semua yang ada.
Ada yang bermalam dalam waktu yang lama dan membuat kewalahan; ngabisin kopi, gula, beras.
Tapi di lain sisi, ada juga yang bermalam dan membuat suasana rumah jadi lebih menyenangkan.
Dan yang lebih ajaib, ada yang mengetuk dan mengajak berbincang di teras untuk beberapa menit, tapi kehangatan yang dibawa menetap untuk waktu yang lama.

Best friends are treasure, they said

Waktu kecil, gue nggak suka anak kecil, so things above were my best friends. They still are actually, sayang beberapa sudah mulai hilang.
Picture source: Flickr

Monday, May 14, 2012

A Cloudy Afternoon When the Sky was No Longer Blue

As his fingertip ran down on her cheek
The air stuck in her lungs and the second was reluctant to tick
His fingers beautifully danced on the strings
Aired the melodies she couldn’t sing

“Is it bad?” she asked
“What’s bad?” he replied
“To be happy and afraid at the same time.”

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I'm supposed to write an assignment for Creative Writing class tomorrow.
Two newest posts on my blog magically disappeared.
Trus apa hubungannya? Nggak tau, tanya aja dosen Advanced Grammar gue yang super pinter itu, kan katanya beliau bisa baca hubungan-hubungan yang tidak terlihat oleh orang lain. Eniwei, waktu beliau ngomong begitu di kelas, di kepala gue langsung mengalun lagunya Lea Salonga yang sering gue denger waktu masih SD.
Anyone who seen us knows what's going on between us, it doesn't take a genius to read between the line.
-We Could be in Love
Iya, ini emang nggak lebih dari pengalihan rasa bersalah karena tugas writing gue belum juga terjamah. Dan, ya, layout blog gue memang selaaaaaalu membosankan.
Have a good day, people. Don't think too much!

Sunday, April 22, 2012


Selamat ulang tahun yang ke-3, Talking Butterfly!

Pertama kali signup blogger, judul blog yang gue pilih nggak langsung Talking Butterfly, tapi Unpredictable. Setelah itu berubah jadi Tick Tock dan sempat kembali lagi jadi Unpredictable sebelum akhirnya berubah jadi Talking Butterfly. Iyah, labil.
Lantas kenapa 'Talking Butterfly'? 'Talking'-nya sendiri menggambarkan kalo blog ini isinya ocehan, dan gue pilih 'Butterfly' karena kata itu terdiri dari tiga syllables, biar enak aja gitu dibacanya. Kalo Talking Pig kan nggak bagus, Talking Hippopotamus kepanjangan.

My favourite post... susah, 99% yang gue tulis pasti pakai perasaan hahaha. Tapi kalo disuruh pilih satu, eh, dua, gue akan pilih Before the Rise of the Sun sama Hari ke-182. Boleh gue ceritain nggak? Boleh lah, ya.

Penulisan 'Before the Rise of the Sun' sempet kepotong karena mati lampu, untung autosaved, jadi abis ngungsi ke kamar temen bisa dilanjutin lagi. Ada yang tau nggak kalo tokoh Jingga dalam tulisan itu sebenernya kuda? Iya, doi kuda, bisa diliat dari kalimat "the saddle was put on". Sementara judul 'Before the Rise of the Sun' dipilih karena Jingga dan owner-nya hanya bertemu setiap malam, sebelum matahari terbit. Actually I was inspired by the truth of two people who enjoyed each other's company but easily became complete strangers after the sunrise.
Coba deh ke Kampung Daun di Bandung, trus cari kuda poni warna putih yang ekor dan rambut punggungnya di-cat pink. Kalo diliat dari jauh persis Pingkan Mambo. Nama kuda itu Cipopon. Jadi kalo lo mau protes kenapa nama kuda gue mesti Jingga, coba bayangin kalo kalimat awalnya berubah jadi "They call me Cipopon".

'Hari ke-182' pertama kali ditulis di notes ipod, malam hari setelah berperang dengan laron di kostan yang kemudian membuat gue bertanya-tanya kenapa kebanyakan laron tewas setelah mandi cahaya. Berhubung gue suka ngajak ngomong binatang, gue jadi sering membayangkan kalo mereka bisa bicara, begitu juga benda-benda mati, jadi gue aplikasikan hal tersebut dalam tulisan gue, termasuk di 'Hari ke-182'.
Kenapa judulnya demikian? Karena hari saat tulisan itu di-publish merupakan hari ke-182 sejak tanggal 3 Agustus. Kalo ada yang niat ngitungin dan ternyata gue salah, tolong comment ya. I am bad in math, I always am.

Postingan lama yang gue suka... banyak, 'With Tears and Broken Soul' salah satunya (jangan, jangan dicari, itu galau parah), Well, It's Just a Movie Anyway juga.

Ah, ternyata tulisan ini jadinya panjang sekaliii. Terima kasih ya yang sering jengukin Talking Butterfly, baik yang sengaja ataupun cuma kepencet. Oh, dan maaf kalo gue terlalu sering nulis dengan bahasa campur aduk, semoga kedepannya bad habit itu bisa dihilangkan. Dan terima kasih baaanyak untuk orang-orang yang, walau nggak setiap hari, tapi selalu ada waktu untuk ngintip Talking Butterfly. Iya, lo, nggak usah senyum-senyum! ({}) 

Sepertinya postingan ini mirip pidato norak dari artis yang abis nerima sebuah award karena dukungan sms terbanyak. Ya sudahlah, dadah!


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

"Why people, why every fucking person is so bad to each other so fucking often?"

The title was spoken by Christopher McCandless in Into the Wild.

After watching The Next Three Days, my friend and I watched 3 Idiots for the hundredth time. I skipped some parts of the movie and started to play it when the scene of praying Raju Rastogi appeared. My friend said that there was an Indian living in the boardinghouse next to ours--the boardinghouses are very close, we even have the same gates, just different buildings. "He prays the way Raju did, there are incenses everywhere," she said.

The next morning, another friend of mine said that the person I had been told about last night was asked by the boardinghouse owner to leave. The reason was because the owner didn't like the smell of the incenses he uses to pray.

I never want to talk about religions nor beliefs, I don't know much about them. And this writing is not about both of them either. It's about how pathetic people nowadays; how fake and disappointing they are. It's as if they were competing to construct buildings but they didn't mind to steal somebody's blocks or hurt anybody with their hoes, as long as they could win. As long as they could make their own fortresses behind where they could hide.

Maybe I'm building my own fortress unconsciously, or maybe I'm not. But I won't steal somebody's blocks.

Tuonane baadaye!

Sunday, April 15, 2012



"Dek, Kakak pulang ya?"
"Ke Bandung."
"Iya, ke Bandung. Boleh nggak?"
"Nggak mau!"

Kata Mama, Raka nangis waktu liat video ini. "Kakak.. Kakak.." begitu katanya. Mungkin karena di akhir video ditayangin sebuah keluarga lengkap, ada Ayah, Ibu, adik laki-laki dan kakak perempuannya yang suka nyanyi. Sementara si Kakak yang dimaksud Raka merantau di Nangor.

Kalo si Kakak yang liat video ini trus nangis juga, boleh nggak?

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Beyond Your Perspective

Charles Muntz had brought the bird's skeleton years ago, but no one believed him at the moment. It was acceptable if he became so angry when Carl and Russell could easily catch Kevin while he could not.
Isn't it normal to feel disappointed when you tell the truth but no one believes you?

And Scar was just afraid. Since they were young, Mufasa had always been everybody's favourite and had gained respect from everyone while Scar had got nothing. He was anxious that in his late ages he would always be lonely and never get respect from anyone. Unfortunately, his anxiety was way too much, so he did some unacceptable things.
Don't we often feel afraid either?

They are not mean, they just keep their stories untold.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Berhenti menatapku dan mengeluh!
Kau, ya, kau. Berhenti menatapku dan mengeluh.
Perut, hidung, rambut, kulit.. Ah!

Si Ikal berharap ia dapat merombak mahkotanya menjadi seperti yang Si Lurus miliki; sementara Si Lurus terus mengeluh segalanya terlalu membosankan, tanpa variasi.

Si Kuning Langsat yang cerah nan menawan rela meluangkan banyak waktu di bawah matahari demi menjadi kecoklatan saat Si Hitam Manis menghabiskan banyak uang untuk membeli beragam produk pencerah.

Dan kau lihat gadis cantik yang baru saja berlalu dari hadapanku? Ia memamerkan push-up bra barunya dengan harapan bisa terlihat lebih berisi dan menarik perhatian; sementara gadis molek yang merengut tadi berharap ukuran bra-nya bisa mengecil 1 atau 2 nomor karena merasa jengah dengan tatapan brengsek di luar sana.

Kumohon, berhentilah menatapku dan mengeluh.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Beautiful Coincidence

"There's no way of breaking free, and then I see you reach for me.
I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone, but you stay so cool, my Muñequita.
And even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times. I'll take you just the way you are."

1. When I See You Smile - Bad English
2. Smooth - Santana ft. Rob Thomas
3. Somewhere Out There - Disney (An American Tale)
4. Just the Way You are - Billy Joel/Diana Krall

Each line is my favourite part of each song, it's funny to see them almost connected to each other.
Free hugs for everyone!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

"Now when I look out through your eyes, I'm young again even though I'm very old."

I miss to wake up in the middle of the night to watch Barclays Premier League with him; messing up the kitchen at 2 o'clock in the morning just to find some breads or make cups of tea to accompany our watching.

I do, I do love you. Wish you could hear me well, I would happily say it all straight to you. I miss to hear your story about the war, to see you play the piano and let me sit next to you and ruin the songs you played. I wish I could hear you sing all those Ray Conniff's songs, which have been my lullaby, again.

I'm sorry for I often made you worry. I was 14 and stupid; coming home late without telling you first. I'm sorry if I look angry when I talk to you. I really am. I don't mean to yell at you, I just want you to hear me, to know that I miss you, that you're safe here with me, but you don't even know who I am.

Thank you for teaching me how to play piano, harmonica, and introducing me to those amazing songs. Thank you for all the stories you told, for a thousand books you gave, for every plate of mashed potato that we shared.

I took a Dutch class couple months ago. I know you could speak Dutch well, I just wish I took the class years ago..

You are my special angel, through eternity. I have my special angel here to watch over me.
Special Angel; lagu terakhir di side B kaset Ray Conniff and Friends punya Eyang yang cover-nya warna putih.

Oh, dan lirik yang ada di post title, judulnya I Write the Songs. Ada di kaset yang sama.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Me, Lately.

Paraphrasing | Making Lennon-Ono and The Potato Heads papertoy patterns | Being amazed by the way the lecturers explain something I've never heard before | Drawing Disney's characters | Eating too much Oreo.

The Expendables | Into the Wild | Evan Almighty | Up | Burlesque | The Bucket List.

Ever Changing Time - Aretha Franklin
"It seems like I'm watching my life and everything I do, wonder if the dreams that I believed in still come true."

For Once in My Life - Stevie Wonder
"For once in my life, I won't let sorrow hurt me, not like it's hurt me before."

I Have Nothing - Whitney Houston
"You break down my walls.."

Moon River - Frank Sinatra
"You dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're going I'm going your way."

When the Day Met the Night - Panic! At The Disco
"That's ok, as long as you can make a promise not to break my little heart or leave me all alone in the summer."

"True love did not save me from the dragon. I did."
-Fiona, Shrek Forever After

"But you are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationship."
-Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild

"Never do anything to impress anyone but yourself."

Pictures were found on tumblr.com.

Have a happy March, people!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

"If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?"
-God (Morgan Freeman), Evan Almighty

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Meet My Heart-warmer..

For the way you're something that I never choose, but at the same time, something I don't want to lose. And never want to be without ever again.
You're the best thing I never knew I needed.
Never Knew I Needed - Ne-Yo

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Just Shakespeare

"You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains.
You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines.
You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows.
This is why I am afraid, you say that you love me too."

Some people say that it's Shakespeare's, but I found out in here that it is not. I still like it, though. Anyway, this is his real quote.

"Never play with the feeling of others, because you may win the game but the risk is that you will surely lose the person for a life time."

So, people, go shut your brain down for a while, close your eyes, listen to nothing but your heart if you still have one.


Friday, February 3, 2012

The Good Old Days

First page buku tahunan 65-2010.
Gue di angka 6, baris pertama, ke-5 dari kiri!

Ini Marawis angkatan gueee.
Panti Asuhan (apa ya?), Lebak Bulus, SOTR 2009.
Erdi, Nail, Tamam, Oky, Sahuri, dkk.

Maafkan kenistaan kami. Biasanya bisa lebih nista lagi.
Jibon, Ange.

Adit, Yandri, Ica, Kristin, Anjel, Ange, Mute, Anggi, Rhegi, Kristi.
Silver Class GO ♥

Ghavio's 17th birthday party.
The Rich Private Club, 2009.

Umm, ini dalam perjalanan ke... lupa.
Audit, Gabby, Uswa, Ange, Indah, Cine.

Ujian praktek Biologi IPA1, ujian praktek Kimia IPA2.
Ange, Sandri, Uswa.

McD Srengseng sebelum ditiadakan.
Santa, Ange.

Sahur on the road 2009, first stop di... lupa.
Ruslinya nggak mau difoto.

Yogyakarta, 2009.

Intan, Jundi, Santa, Uswa, Sandri, Ange, Wina.
Road to Yogyakarta.

Ange, Damora.

Almost graduation. 65-2010.

Santa's surprise party!

Sandri, Diva, Ange.
XI IPA 2, 2009 ♥

At Eaton.
Adit, Ange, Anggi, Mute, Surya.

"Sekolah udah kosong kenapa belom pulang?"
Pak Edi, Ange, Santa.

Ange, Santa, Intan, Jundi.

Pra-PANAMA 2009.
Jibon, Ange.

It's not about how much you miss somebody or how much they miss you. It's not about the distance.

Maybe some wise people should open their eyes and face the reality. People change, time flies.You can't get back what once you had; no matter how much you want it or how hard you try. Thus, it's not always "where there's a will there's a way."

Geez, I've been blogging for almost three years and this is my very first time to almost cry while writing a post.

Lot of hugs and love,

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
Blink 182 - I Miss You

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Hari ke-182

Aroma yang ditinggalkan hujan saat ia bercinta dengan tanah masih kian tercium. Nikmat.
Kubiarkan mereka mengelilingiku. Berdesak-desakkan. Kuharap apa yang kupunya akan cukup untuk mereka.
"Boleh aku bertanya?" ujarku, akhirnya.
Mereka mulai berguguran. Satu disusul lainnya.
"Tentu, Tuanku." Satu lagi terjatuh. Aku meringis.
"Mengapa kalian selalu berguguran setelah bermandikan cahaya?"
"Kami," ia tampak linglung. "tak mau hidup tanpa cahayamu, Tuanku." lalu tumbang. Sayap halusnya terlepas; kemudian lunglai di tengah kerumunan laron lainnya.
"Lebih baik kami yang meninggalkanmu terlebih dahulu, Yang Mulia Lampu Pijar," timpal satu yang tersisa. Ia terlihat mabuk. Bahagia. "sebelum kau meredup dan berbalik meninggalkan kami." lalu jatuh.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Aku pernah tanya ke banyak orang, "Can you fall in love with a person whom you never laughed with?" Mereka bilang bisa; aku nggak percaya. Lalu sepertinya Tuhan mau memaksa aku untuk percaya, makanya kamu datang.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

"Most of us went to college just for a degree. No degree meant no plum job, no pretty wife, no credit card, no social status. But none of this mattered to him, he was in college for the joy of learning, he never cared if he was first or last."
-Raju Rastogi (3 Idiots)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

You hit me so damn hard, Mr. Izar..

..though I don't even know you.

Friday, January 13, 2012

"Hari ini pasti ada Friday 13th di TV," begitu perkataan saya pagi tadi.

Setiap malam saya selalu bermimpi, kalian juga? Tapi repotnya, saya selalu ingat jalan cerita mimpi saya saat bangun; tiba-tiba makan kue cubit sama teman lama, tinggal di dalam rumah berbentuk cake berwarna pink, ah iya, mimpi saya nggak jauh-jauh dari makanan. Kadang scene-nya berwarna hitam putih.
Tapi dibanding makanan, saya lebih sering memimpikan mereka yang sudah nggak ada. Dan kebiasaan 'teringat plot mimpi saat bangun' terasa lebih merepotkan. Soalnya saat saya bermimpi indah tentang mereka yang sudah mendahului saya, kemudian terbangun, teringat mimpi itu sepanjang hari dan sadar bahwa mereka sudah nggak ada, rasanya...

(Well, let it be empty. I can't find the right words.)

Monday, January 9, 2012

That moment when you're talking to someone you really like and you're pretending that there are no fireworks sparking in your heart..
There are no stupid butterfliesor even elephantswandering in your tummy. You're trying so hard to look normal and not to let these words jump out of your mouth: "You're the one, don't you know that?"

Monday, January 2, 2012

Tiba-tiba gue terdampar di kantin rumah sakit Pelni. Makan nasi setengah porsi dengan capcay. Ngirit. Salah deng, nggak punya duit. Nggak lupa pakai sambal yang banyak biar nggak terasa lauknya cuma capcay.

Lalu pandangan gue mulai kabur. Iya, air mata. Basah. Buram. Kemudian kembali jelas setelah semuanya meluber ke pipi.

Gue nggak suka rumah sakit. Iyalah, siapa juga yang suka rumah sakit. Terlebih lagi ini rumah sakit tua, dan berkali-kali gue berurusan dengan ICU rumah sakit ini. Tahun 1996 untuk kali pertama; dan kehilangan terbesar untuk pertama kalinya juga terjadi di ICU rumah sakit ini. Gah.

ICU selalu begitu. Bikin merinding. Kursi-kursi berjejer di seberang pintu masuknya, gue memilih duduk dekat tangga. Ada beberapa bilik untuk keluarga beristirahat, TV, coffee machine dan gelas-gelas plastik di atasnya. Bukan, bukan gelas plastik putih dengan totol-totol merah, gue benci gelas itu.

Lalu gue ingat cerita Om gue seputar kepergian Eyang Uti di ICU rumah sakit ini 16 tahun lalu. "Om lagi nyoba nahan nangis pas Eyang nggak ada, eh kamu nanya, 'Om, Eyang kenapa?' nggak jadi ketahan nangisnya." Bodoh. Gue meneguk air mineral yang gue bawa dari rumah.

Dan sore harinya tiba-tiba gue sudah duduk manis di sebuah bengkel pinggir jalan; di daerah Slipi, tempat gue tumbuh sebagai bocah yang cerewet dan pecicilan. Maka saat gue bersandar di bangku bengkel itu, beberapa orang yang lewat di trotoarpun menyapa gue.
"Mbak Anggie ya?"
"Wah, ini Anggie yang ceriwis itu?"
Kayak artis ya; padahal yang nyapa cuma Om Tetangga, Mas Slamet tukang gorengan sama Mbak April yang buka warung dekat bengkel.

Di seberang jalan banyak gerobak makanan, salah satunya bubur kacang ijo. Gue langsung ingat tukang bubur kacang ijo di Nangor. Rp4000,- terbaik yang pernah gue keluarkan ya untuk beli bubur kacang ijo disana. Nikmat, dan yang paling penting, banyak.

Anginnya sepoi-sepoi. Adem. Gue selalu suka bengong-bengong bego; merhatiin ujung crocs ungu gue yang terkena noda oli, orang-orang yang lewat di trotoar, klontengan suara kunci inggris, pohon goyang-goyang, suara bajaj. Biasanya pikiran bodoh seperti 'gue mau jadi Ogre' tiba-tiba melintas setelah rutinitas bengong-bengong bego selesai. Dan hanya orang-orang tertentu yang bisa menanggapi racauan absurd gue dengan baik. Tunggu, 'orang-orang'? Rasanya bukan plural.

Baterai handphone gue sudah memerah. Gue belum mau pulang. Lalu bertanya-tanya kabar orang-orang di rumah sakit. Nangis lagi.