Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Why wasn't Eve made first then Adam created from her ribs?

Or other parts of her body. Sounds stupid, yet it bothers me a little; and so does the fact that I always need an explanation of everything to make it clear and, most important, rational. If a thing or, moreover, an argument isn't logically acceptable, I tend to consider it invalid. Oh, terkutuklah saya.

So it is just another night in August, only louder. In this kind-of-night, my parents and Raka go somewhere to take their ordered tutupat (re: ketupat, that's how Raka says it). Funny, when they're gone, some neighbors ring the bell and bring many many much tutupat enough for two days.
And all of a sudden I feel like being Kevin McCallister.

I have two unread books in my room, but I don't feel in the mood to open them, let alone finish them. I don't feel in the mood to do anything. Isn't it sad to find that this 4 year-old blog is lately filled by anger, boredom, keluntang-lantungan..

I don't think I'm ready for the crowd and the mess and the noise.

Last night I bought myself a little pre-birthday present, a sharpie and a gingerman-shaped paper punch. It makes me happy, really. I love simple things when I do. Even seeing a ladybug can simply make my day. But sometimes I just turn into an ugly, grumpy, pathetic old witch who lives alone in the dark wood and hates everything. She hates crowds, she hates people. She prefers to live alone, but it doesn't mean that she loves it.

I worry a lot, I guess. But if there is a right time when I should be really, really worried, now is.

Weeks ago I read a book titled Suwidak Loro. I'm not sure whether it's a traditional tale or just a bedtime story someone made up. However, I like it. It tells about a terribly ugly little girl who lives with her single mother. Her name is Suwidak Loro, which means 52 in Bahasa Jawa, and the name is chosen because she owns 52 strands of hair only. The book includes the illustration of Suwidak Loro, and she is really, really ugly. I intend to write the retold story here, but, again, I'm not in the mood.

Another thing I want to post here is a game review. I was about to make a review of all the games I've ever played and my favorite weapons in each, but this time it's not about that. The game review I mentioned before is of Raka's favorite game which he plays everyday since my first day of holiday. I introduced the game to him and I'm happy he loves it. He's just getting smarter and smarter every second. Literally.

I guess I start to miss my school. Or college, or whatever you call it. NO, it's not the people. Note that! I miss the lectures. I miss to be taught something I haven't known. Oh, it reminds me of a random feeling came to me yesterday when I watched a movie. I'm not sure it was a regret or silly thought, but it said, why didn't you give yourself a shot to be a doctor? Iya, nggak tau kenapa mesti dokter.

Raka's home. He's crawling onto my lap.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Pop Up Card.. Sort of.

Karena Nangor-Subang tidak sedekat Sabar Subur-Laksana. Pfft.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Pesimis? Realistis?

Akhir-akhir ini gue sering mimpi buruk. Beberapa hari lalu gue mimpi dikejar Rottweiler, uler sawah, sama buaya sekaligus. Kemarennya gue mimpi kaki gue nyangkut di eskalator. Sebelumnya lagi gue mimpi rumah gue kebakaran. Tadi malem gue mimpi dikepung zombie.

Gue berdoa kok sebelum tidur. Nggak, nggak ketuker sama doa makan.

***

Orang-orang udah pada lulus, kerja, nikah, bahkan punya anak; mereka udah tau mau jalan kemana. Sebagian besar di sekeliling gue udah nulis skripsi, sisanya mikirin judul skripsi. Gue? Nentuin penjurusan aja minta voting orang-orang.

I've never felt this close to the real world. Gue masih mau main-main, kuliah cuma untuk dinikmati, nonton film sampai mabok, jadi tokoh di dalam buku cerita, tidur sampai siang. Bahkan nilai yang semula nggak pernah gue anggap penting sekarang jadi penting. Ternyata nilai penting.

Dua semester lalu seorang dosen pernah bilang ke gue kalau gue bisa aja lulus 3 tahun. Mungkin dia tau dosen wali gue terlalu sibuk ngurusin hidupnya sendiri, so she let herself to be the one who encouraged me to take the chance.
"Mau kan lulus cepet?" she said.
Gue bahkan nggak bisa jawab pertanyaannya saat itu. Emang gue mau lulus cepet? Buat apa? Setelah lulus, gue ngapain? Kan enakan kuliah, dibuat takjub dengan pemikiran-pemikiran dosen tertentu yang mind-blowing. Belom lagi kalo lulus nanti, gue nggak punya kosan lagi. Itu salah satu hal yang paling menyedihkan yang akan terjadi: I'll lose my solitude.
Ngeliat muke gue, si dosen ngelanjutin, "Enggak, ya?"

Dulu gue fikir kerja itu gampang. Kerjain aja apa yang lo suka, nanti juga akan jadi duit. Sekarang gue sadar bahwa nggak semua yang lo kerjain wholeheartedly akan mendatangkan hasil yang bagus. Entah gue berada di tengah-tengah keputusasaan atau justru sebuah titik terang, I just realized that I've been doing what I love wholeheartedly but the result is not worth it. Contoh paling sepele tapi nyata, gue suka banget gambar dari kecil, tapi gambar gue nggak pernah bagus. Practice makes perfect itu bullshit, Saudara-saudara. Or it simply doesn't happen to me.

Dari dulu gue selalu bisa membayangkan bahwa gue akan jadi tipikal orang yang bisa bilang "I marry my job." Gue nggak akan keberatan punya anak di usia yang nggak terlalu muda karena terlalu sibuk sama pekerjaan. Tapi nyatanya kemampuan gue nggak memadai di bidang yang gue suka, how can I even get the job?

Segelintir temen gue mulai ngomongin soal nikah. Mereka tau apa soal nikah. Dulu gue suka berkhayal tentang outdoor wedding party dengan pemain saxophone tunggal. It turns out that I just want the party, not the marriage. Belum lagi punya anak. They're in love, for God's sake! Semua yang ada di pikiran mereka segala sesuatu yang manis-manis: anak bayi yang lucu, baju bayi yang lucu, susu bayi yang harganya nggak lucu. They have no idea how wild the kids when they are 3 yo. Gaarhh! Gaaaaarrrrh! Dengan ingus disana-sini, they start to throw you with toys.

Sometimes I tell myself that I'm not that close to the real world. Gue nggak sedeket itu dengan pekerjaan, gue bisa ambil S2 dulu kalo gue belom siap, but my parents refuse. Mereka bilang gue butuh pengalaman; dan mereka bilang lulusan S1 dengan pengalaman lebih gampang cari kerja ketimbang lulusan S2 yang belum punya pengalaman. And that I'm not that close to the other things.

***

Gue suka jalan kaki malem-malem di Nangor, sendirian, sekedar beli kopi atau roti bakar; realizing that I could never be any younger than today. Di Jakarta nanti setelah lulus, gue nggak akan bisa beli kopi sendirian di warung. Kalo mau kopi tinggal bilang, nanti tau-tau ada di samping tempat tidur.

Mungkin beberapa tahun lagi gue baca postingan ini terus ketawa sendiri. Entah ketawa ngenes karena gue beneran nggak dapet job di bidang yang gue suka atau justru sebaliknya. I wish it'll be the second one.

Aneh juga, ternyata gue nggak pernah minum kopi di rumah.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

If there is a day where I should be very pretty and well-dressed, except my wedding day, it must be July 25th this year.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Borobudur saat Waisak

Images are not mine, click for sources.







Selamat Hari Raya Waisak. Culik aku kesana dong kakak.

Monday, April 1, 2013

I've come to realize that when you hate something, you'll be more aware of it.

Misalnya nih, gue berada dalam satu ruangan sama orang lain yang nggak benci cicak, pasti gue (yang notabene strongly dislike them) akan ngeh duluan kalo sampai ada cicak masuk.
Atau kalo ada yang abis berbuat sesuatu dengan rokok, I'll easily notice that ketimbang mereka yang netral sama rokok

Ngeselin nggak sih kalo dipikir-pikir? Petuah salah satu teman bijak gue berbunyi begini, "(pura-pura) tidak tahu terkadang menjadi hal yang paling baik." Somehow ada benernya juga; dari pada gue jadi uring-uringan karena tau ada cicak di dalam ruangan, akan lebih baik kalo gue nggak tau sama sekali saat cicak itu masuk. Tapi dengan ke-menjadi-lebih-aware-an itu, akan susah untuk pura-pura nggak tau.

Anyway, I hate cheating, too; tapi nggak tau deh masuk hitungan atau enggak. Batuk dulu ah. Uhuk.

P.S.
Maafin bahasa gue ya, berantakan memang, tapi hati dan masa depan enggak kok.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

O Dear Jet Pack Guy

Lem Kayu 1: “Emma Stone atau Emma Watson?”
Lem Kayu 2: “Stone, lah.”
Lem Kayu 3: “Stone.”
Pohon Rambutan: “Tapi kan Watson charming, keliatan pinter.”
Lem Kayu 1: “Buahahaha buat apaan cewek pinter.”

Sunday, March 10, 2013

I'll title it later

Never had beauty taken a seat
The highest one next to the wit

Words heard, digested
Sights caught, counted

I need a healing
A healthy feeling
With which I could be a dyslexia patient reading the word care